My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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