Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
