Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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