Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
