I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
