i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
