Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
