I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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