My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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