She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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