Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
