They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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