I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
