We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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