I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
