8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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