Do you still have your period?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
