He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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