Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
