You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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