My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so let's talk penis.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
