Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
