How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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