Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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