her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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