So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
