I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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