Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
