Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't put those talents on a resume
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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