Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
