so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
