Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
