its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
