Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
