please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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