just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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