when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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