Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
