I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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