Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
