Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
