I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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