I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize