More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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