I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
