dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
