so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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