Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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