When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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