he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
