She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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