I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
