Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
