So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
