Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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