I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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