smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
