Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
