i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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