I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
