I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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