does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
