I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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