i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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