Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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