We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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