we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
