Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
