You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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