words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
