Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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