I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
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