Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
