I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
