You really coming over, don't trick.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
