I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
