No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
