Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Less talking, more tequila
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want a musical about memes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
