Cold hands, warm shart.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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